Once Upon A Time...

Take me to a land of fairy tales and castles and kings and princesses being carried away by their prince charmings. Let me have my childhood dreams vicariously through the real life persons of the very photogenic, very proper Wills & Kate. If nothing else, let me replace my heartache for the loss of an iconic princess who was raised to sainthood from trial and tribulation by the petty paparazzi, the entanglements of royal politics and ultimately erased from existence by the shadow government forces at large.

Am I setting myself up for more disappointment by allowing my heart to be carried away by this continuing saga? Why do I feel an overwhelming sense of trepidation for both the young royal and royal to be? Am I too attached to a wish-dream that they might find love with one another and live happily ever after? Why am I holding my breath?

I am finding myself becoming invested in the hopes and good wishes for these beautiful people. I am captivated once again by the pending pomp and circumstance, anxious to witness history in the making and all the trappings that go along with such a grand affair. The commonwealth will gain a tremendous boost in revenue and that makes me happy. Yet I still can’t quite put my finger on my feeling so ill at ease. You know the little voices that whisper in your ear that you try so hard to brush away?

Perhaps it is partly due to the fact that the entire world at this time feels like it is teetering on the brink and just trying to make it through one day at a time. This tends to preclude making plans. When I have gainful employment, I notice I am not as sensitive to “life” as it goes on around me, but when I am not so fortunate as to be able to make a living wage to survive, I find myself intensely aware of all that I cannot contribute. I suppose thinking in terms of the haves as a have not, I don’t have sweet dreams when thinking about happily ever after.

I am not so sure the rest of the world is, either. I am aware that President Obama just made a multi-million dollar foreign trip to rally the world political forces to help the U.S. get out of its own quagmire, which proved to be as dubious as the challenges that face us in the U.S. The lukewarm response of national entities tells me we are just not there yet. This government has just not done the fundamental work to earn a resounding YES vote. Is this a harbinger of the 2012 election year?

All this tends to make me question whether or not it is time to celebrate. In these very lean times, it’s hard to watch Oprah and learn about the U.S. servicewoman returning from the war living on the street followed by such commercially ostentatious displays of massive wealth being showered on a random audience. I guess this veteran is not one of Oprah's favorite things. I feel juxtaposed and embarrassed and I am just a viewer.

I suspect my hesitance to enjoy the good news comes from knowing the same forces that have led us down the garden path of economical destruction are the ones that hold the destinies of such high nobles as a potential king and his queen. I am watching as I extend an arm before me gesturing, “No, don’t take the car! You’ll kill yourself!,” again. It just doesn’t feel safe. It hasn’t for a very long time. 

The uneasiness of things-gone-wrong is a downbeat as annoying as the mariachi music that bleeds through my apartment wall from the man next door with such regularity. I keep hearing myself say, “Learn to live with it.” I lament that so much of what I have had to learn to live with has watered down the quality of my life so to the point that I just don’t recognize myself anymore.

I remember a time when I was willing to stand up and defy what was apparently taking my sense of liberty away. I remember when patrolmen actually used to patrol. Even they have opted for cameras and staying in their cars to keep from being shot in the chest for a simple traffic violation. What we have become is what keeps me from watching the royal fairy tale unfold before my jaded eyes with any sense of joy and happiness. I am overwhelmed by fear and caution. I think I’ll make myself a cuppa.